Silly Little Decisions

Right now, a loved one is recovering from a double mastectomy.  She is facing the word no one ever wants to hear--cancer.   It really puts life into perspective.   Running, training, racing...  these are such silly little aspects of a life.   I have struggled with guilt lately over training while someone I care about struggles with life and death health issues.   

Cancer really makes you look at the big picture of life.  I think we, as runners, have to be careful that we pour as much into loving and serving others as we pour into running.   If I spend five hours a week running, have I spent at least that amount investing in others?   It is clear which is the more important aspect of living. 

The biggest struggle I've faced in the last twenty-four hours is trying to decide if it is worth it (and even appropriate) to get up at 3:00 a.m. and drive to the Viola Valley Half Marathon on Saturday morning.  It is ridiculous, really.   If that silly little decision is the biggest struggle I've got,  I should definitely count my blessings. 

It is so hard to watch someone you care about suffer.  As runners, we suffer, but it is by choice.  We choose to pay money and go run 13 or 26 miles and suffer blisters and muscle cramps and fatigue.  If it hurts too much, we can always drop out.  Others don't have that option. 

If I do run tomorrow, it will be with GRATITUDE for my own health, endurance, and strength.   For 13.1 miles, I will meditate on how thankful I am to even be able to run

So undeservingly blessed,


btdt said…
I was really happy to read your perspective on this, this morning. After a year and a half of poking, prodding, drilling, cutting, x-rays, and waiting, waiting, waiting, I was FINALLY given the all clear this past Tuesday that I could be at ease, my breast cancer scare was no longer looming over my head. It made me realize that a lot of the silly things are so insignificant compared to our good health that is so easy to take for granted. We may feel depressed about something or feel unhappy unnecessarily, then a phone call comes along to give us something real to be upset about,as happened in February with the passing of my brother and all that went with his situation. We realize happiness really is a choice, no matter what is going on around you. How insignificant things become that seemed so significant before. Running saved my life at the perfect time. I jumped into running rather than jump off a cliff, feet first, with all the ferver that goes with running fever. This morning it occurred to me that it served its purpose so well at a time when I needed it most. I treasure the healthy supportive friendships it brought to my life. The wonderful feeling of accomplishment, the escape and meditation it offers. I also realized that running was meant to enhance my life, not take it over. I will continue to run, and when I can afford to do a race that I see is for a good cause, I will run it, but it's time for me to once again re-evaluate to maintain balance. Each day is so precious and I want to make sure that I spend each one doing that which matters most, not just for me but for the loved ones in my life.